An Official Announcement from Monte-Cristo

We, Louys, by Heirdom and Election POPP of Monte-Cristo, have the pleasure to announce that a special representation of Purcell's Faerie Queene will open the Season Festival of the Open Air Opera, among the roses and mimosas. We take this opportunity to remind People of High Breed, Wealth and Culture, that our famous thermal baths are again open to the discerning visitors. Traditional water cures using the hot thermal springs are now complemented by a whole range of nursings using the sea water and its products : exotic massages with sea mud, immersion in warm seaweed…what the modern doctors call ‘thalassotherapy’. And no healing sojourn in Monte-Cristo would be complete without an abundant consumption of our famous ‘MC Green’, a very strong liqueur and medecine, requiring 3 years of maturation (and at least 80% alcohol) following a recipe elaborated a millenium ago by holy monks devoted to the Welfare of Humankind. The range of illness cured is incredibly wide, and besides it is renowned as a sovereign help to digest heavy meals or disturbing surprises.
The heavenly weather of Monte-Cristo makes it the Pearl of the Cote d’Azur; the local specialities of candied fruits, pralines and nougat, accompanied by our typical Anised Absinth long drink and our bubbly rosé, provide an important contribution to the pleasure of our Guests. Additionally, our admirable sujects traditionally grow a peculiar smoking herb (not tobacco) with proven medicinal and relaxing properties. All in all, foreigners discover how much this little paradise is propitious to quiet conversations and peaceful, unpassionate exchanges. Tension, aggressivity soon disappear here. No surprise that the Constitution of our Presipality takes up only two short articles : -art.1 : Do no harm to your fellow man, -art.2 : This fairly understood, live as you wish. Art. 2 fully protects the intimacy of your Guests’ private life and dealings, as long as they do not make themselves obnoxious enough to blatantly transgress art. 1.
In the glamorous rooms of our Casino one will chance upon many interesting Characters and Personalities. Huge amounts of gold change hands daily here as gambling debts.
Totally renovated, the Paris H. (pronounce : Parish) Palace Hostel had been rebuilt according to the best local tradition to keep unclement weather and annoying noises from disturbing our Guests, i.e. with inner walls as extremely thick as the outer ones. Numerous boudoirs, smoking rooms and lounges (with free marquisetta, punch or sangria according to the day) are at the disposal of our Guests, all with several padded double doors opening in different corridors. The staff is chosen by the Presipality for its total discretion, ‘deaf and mute’ being the motto.
The Presipapal Bank for Sustainable Development and Constantly Increasing Profit is fully characerized by two keywords : Security and Secrecy. A complex system of multiple passages and double stairs insures that within the building you’ll only meet (and be seen by) employees of guaranteed total discretion. Additionally, a system of underground passages allows, if wished, to enter and leave the Bank from several innocent shops nearby.
A note of warning: according to the Law of Monte-Cristo « ugliness rather than nudity being obscene », young and faily built people can go all naked (though most still wear shoes, and some form of head protection against the sun at its hottest) : this is the traditional costume of the youth, weather permitting. Reciprocally, the whole year around people can wear masks as during the Venice Carnival, nobody would even notice it (by the way, the Mardi Gras parade on Monte-Cristo Bourbon Street is not to be missed).
While discretion obviously forbides to mention names, more than thirty-seven Personages of High Birth and Influence, coming from more than twenty-two Uropean Courts, are announced for the Opening of the Baths Season. Philosophs of insatiable curiosity such as Lady Pettygree, the Chevalier d’Eon and Milady de Winter a rumored to appear soon. It is hoped that such characters who, for professional reasons, tend to meet and interact in remote points of our planet such as the Bahamas, will find how much more convenient it is be to go no further than Monte-Cristo.
In the name of the Country and the People of Monte-Cristo, we, Louys, warmly welcome our Visitors.