At the Palace in Istanbul- early morning ...
This letter was brought to me prior to the first sherbert of the day- if it had arrived as I ate I would surely have choked to death and be in paradise now!
Monsieur Secretary to the Ottomon Vizier Evidya,I have the honor to receive your letter of this month from Istanbul regarding Ottomon interests within The Imperium. His Majesty King Louis XV of Gallia asked me to disclose his answer so that no one will misaprehend him. The King desires me tell you that Gallia is an ally of The Imperium. Therefore, we can not view land acquisition from the realm of the Empress within our interests. The domain of the Empress, its disposition and its management is solely her sovereign right. Therefore I regret to inform you Sir we cannot support the interests of the Vizier in this context.The King also desires I inform you that he demands the payment of 2,768,025 livre for damages caused by the arsonist in your pay for fires set in Paris last summer. Those whom we captured linked your Vizier directly to that mad combustible attack designed to burn down the entire city.The King expects your Vizier will do the honorable thing and make payment within this year as I remain,Your Humble Servant,Prince de CharadeGallian Foreign Ministerin Versailles
Well can you believe this Gallian nonsense ! I the Vizier will not be party to such lies ...... I will begin preparations to call our soldiers from all corners. I shall pour over my maps, I shall plan and make preparations.....Now an idea has struck me like the desert winds strike an oasis of peace. I shall call for my loyal assassin - he of the dagger and the poison - quick slave fetch him forth NOW!!!!!
6 hours ago
9 comments:
Just don't pour Turkish coffee over your maps! ;-)
An Assasin?
Frankszonia can't be a party to this ...
We're still dealing with those unfounded rumors that our more expensive Frankfurters included hashish as an ingredient ...
Comte d'Beauphaup
Thus the vitriolic respose of the Vizier shows that a new 'body politic' has asrisen in Constantinople.
Must have been a former member of the ... CIA -oops- I mean Pretorian Guard ... -ahem- Jannisaries!
Monsieur le Comte,
"We're still dealing with those unfounded rumors that our more expensive Frankfurters included hashish as an ingredient ..."
Indeed? Then, would you try such an innovative and promising recipe, Monte-Cristo should gladely export more of its traditional production of dream herb. Grown at familial level, cultivars carefully selected over more than a score of generations, garanteed without fertilizers, hormones or any additive...
Sebastien Moilabite,
Sous-sous-vice-secrétaire au Commerce Extérieur
The very idea you Frankish Dogs would place blame on my very closest friend the Sultan of the Ottomon Empire for my attempt to burn that Frankish pestilential hole Paris is without redemption. You demand 2 millions of livre to pay for the burning of that pitiful village is to laugh for days. We demand reparations of 5 millions of livres for the Frankish burning of Constantinople and Istanbul in the12th century.
Neither Neo-Byzantium or the Ottomon Empires will acceed to your ridiculous request.
Bob XXII
Emperor of the Eastern Roman Empire
Pope of the Orthudocks Holy Sea
Chief Worshipper of the Moon Goddess, my wife.
The whole Western World is looking forward to discover the mysterious army of mysterious Neo-Byzantium -specially the fabled Amazon Corps, of course.... so Exotic!
To the attention of the Boyardvinan Diplomatic & Intelligence Corps:
"Must have been a former member of the ... CIA -oops- I mean Pretorian Guard ... -ahem- Jannisaries!"
Actually a leading member of the 'G.P.', the Garde de la Porte, a rather secret inner Guard raised and trained by a Franco - Monte-Cristan mercenary, one Robert de Nard. This, as part of the (never denounced) treaty of 1536 between France and Turkey (remember how shocked was the whole Christiandom when an Ottoman fleet -200 ships, 30000 men- did its 1533-1534 wintering in Toulon).
The secrecy surrounding the 'G.P.' is actually aimed at the most traditionalist part of the Turkish Military.
Robert 'Bob' de Nard (aka Said Mustapha Mahdjoub) and his cadre of (mainly French, or at least with a military past in French service) 'war dogs' created and trained several other 'G.P.': at least 7 in Black Africa, 1 in Yemen, 1 in Persia and most recently 1 in an archipelago in the Indian Ocean. Most 'exotic' rulers seemingly love the French 'presidentielle' qualificative for their Guard.
Always officially acting as a 'free lance', Robert de Nard is said to have the support of at least an influent part of the French Admiralty and Departement of the Navy and Colonies. A kind of King's corsair in oversea lands deemed 'of interest' by France?
Oddly (?) his cadre of drill masters and 'specialists' is never without a few Monte-Cristans.
great read. I would love to follow you on twitter. By the way, did you know that some chinese hacker had busted twitter yesterday again.
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