Saturday, June 2, 2007

Frankfurters anyone? :)

unconnected items noticed by Gen. Chevert’s aide .... in the daily paperwork ...

Decoded note found in basket of split peas delivered to household of M. Chevert.

Observed Frankfurter grenadiers practicing with items which looked identical to sausages currently provided to quartermasters by “Cut-me-own-throat Dilbert.”
The explosion of these devices did cause significant shrapnel wounding, but the smoke did seem to be extremely irritating to the eyes and skin. Individuals who got caught within the cloud seemed incapacitated and blinded and to be constantly coughing and gagging.


Report by Intendent of Gallian Magazine:
Mon General,
There has been a sudden cessation of all deliveries of supplies from Frankfurt area providers.
Visits to their shops have been intercepted by units of the Frankfurter Sage Guards.
Furthermore, a request to meet with their economic minister was unsuccessful. They claim that Msr. Dilbert has departed the district on an urgent economic mission and that an acting minister of trade and provisions has not yet been approved by the City Council.
Maj. L.Filbertte


To: Gen Commanding, Gallian forces at Frankfurt Am Main.
From: Prof. Rincewind, Minister for reduction of pestilential incidents
RE: Possible infestation of Gallian Stores

We have recently discovered a distinct risk of contamination of certain meat processing mills by an explosive (several words blotted out) outbreak of Rodentia. Given not only our responsibility for the health of our own duchy, but also for the quality of goods provided to your forces, we require access to examine and to test the stored goods already in your commissary.
This is an ongoing investigation, and it obviously creates urgent requirements for such investigation before the majority of your personnel take to the field..
At this early moment, we cannot discern whether this represents deliberate sabotage, treason, or just typical provisioning of substandard services and materials by war time profiteers.


Fliers scattered around town overnight:

Upset stomach? Indigestion? Diahria?
Try “Dilbert’s Green” mentholated absinthe and bismuth.
Guaranteed to reduce discomfort when used as directed.
(in small print on back of flyer)
Exceeding recommended dosage may cause dizziness, irrational behavior, hallucinations, and cause an abrupt, emetic response.
Over use of product may lead to addiction and in extreme cases expiration.


Bluebear Jeff said...

Ah, yes. Reminder to self . . .

Remember to issue traveler's advisory to citizens of Saxe-Bearstein to avoid visiting Frankfurter during the present time.

Further note to self . . .

Investigate potential for encouraging vile Stagonian tourism in Frankfurter with an emphasis on dining.

-- Jeff

MurdocK said...

mentholated absinthe and bismuth?

gimme that absinthe!