Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Somewhere in the court of an ImagiNation of Urope:

Toadying Flunky: “Sire, have you seen the news?”

Overwhelmingly Pompous Ruler/Commanding General: “Flunky, I have already told you that I am NOT responsible for Frau Liebmilch’s condition…”

TF: “No, Sire, I mean about the new army in Hesse-Homburg and Princess Ulrike’s request for general officers to lead it?”

OPR/CG: “Flunky, I already have a job, and while you do also I could change that…”

TF: “Of course, Sire, but I don’t mean for either of us. This is a perfect opportunity for us to unload that incompetent General X. I’ve heard that there has not been a single respondent to the request. All we have to do is dress up his resume a little and voila! He’s gone!”

OPR/CG: “I’ve got a better idea, Flunky. Send along General X’s resume to the Homburgers and they will pick him up and we’ll be rid of him!”

TF: “Brilliant, Sire. I will send it along to this unsuspecting Clerk, Herr Youngstrom, at once!”

4 comments:

Bluebear Jeff said...

Ed,

I hope that you have a happy new year . . . but if certain officers claim a spot in a certain army, you may find things rather strained.


-- Jeff

Martin said...

Hey Ed,

My Freicorps Colonel, "The Terrible" Heinz Von Stein, has a younger brother, "The Horrible" Horst Von Stein, that we'd be willing to part with here in Raubenstadt. To sweeten the offer, the Markgraaf will cull through the Freicorps for volunteers to follow the brave Lt. Col. that meet your no doubt high standards - Walk, kind of talk (does pointing and grunting count?), and breathing on their own.

Yours,

Martin a.k.a. The Markgraaf of Raubenstadt

Ed Youngstrom said...

Woo hoo!

I mean, your suggestion has some merit, Herr Markgraaf. Please let me know the particulars of Herr Horst von Stein. If he has experience with Freicorps, he may fit in well with either our Freikorps or Jagerkorps.

Perhaps Freikorps Jung-Stein?

Respectfully,

Herr Youngstrom
Clerk
Office of Personnel, Casualty Notification, and Remains Disposition
Select Corps of Army Personnel Entering General Officer Acceptance Testing (SCAPEGOAT)
Hofkriegsrat
Hesse-Homburg

Martin said...

Herr Youngstrom,

As per your request, here are the particulars of the career of Lt. Col. Horst von Stein, in the service of the Markgraaf of Raubenstadt. Normally, such a missive would be written by his immediate commanding officer, but since that individual is his brother, we didn't want any family attachments, "gilding the lilly", now do we? So I, Brigadier General Hanse von Krieger, Col. von Stein's C.O., have been given the honor of responding.
Young Horst purchased his commission as an Ensign in his brother's Regiment - The Truerpfalz Freicorps, and was duly assigned to Captain von Bumbler's company. Unfortunately, two days later Lt. Rumpler was found dead under suspicious circumstances, but there was not enough evidence to convene an official Court of Inquiry. Ensign von Stein was promoted to fill the vacancy.
In an astounding co-incidence, a week later Captain von Bumbler choked to death while apparently trying to swallow half a roast chicken at one go. Lt. von Stein was promoted to the Captaincy, and gained a reputation as a man of ambition that deserved to be watched with great interest, if only for preserving one's self.
A month later, Major von Plodder opted for early retiement, as opposed to being, "retired early", as a note by an unknown author suggested. There were no other takers, since Capt. von Stein indicated he would challenge any fellow Captain bold enough to claim the Majority for his own. Capt. von Stein became Major von Stein. His brother the Colonel, stopped joking about Horst's remarkably fast rise, and hired a food taster.
Three months later, Lt. Col. von Hetzer was placed on extended medical leave. As he was being taken away by the medical orderlies, a crumpled, ill-scrawled note was pried from his fist. The only part that could be deciphered read, "He's always around! His eyes always watching - waiting for his chance!"
Colonel von Stein is most anxious for his brother to start his, no doubt, glorious career in the service of Hesse-Homburg. (Something about, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder.", or was it, "How can I miss him if he won't go away?"). His fellow Colonels and all the General Officers agree that young Horst will be an excellent choice for the SCAPEGOAT program. He is brave, bold, intelligent, cunning, ambitious, and not afraid to create a way forward where none exists.
We feel young Horst is an ideal officer to be put into dangerous situations. In fact, the more dangerous, the better. As the poet said, "The paths of glory lead but to the grave." We trust that young Horst's path will be glorious, full of danger, and short.

For The Markgraaf!

Yours,

Hanse von Krieger
Brigadier General
Commanding