Sunday, June 1, 2008

Letter to Tragardland Academy

From Major v. Ricewits:

Gentlemen,

One of our spice explorers has returned with samples which he claims were gathered from various strange beasts as he explored distant lands for new herbal ingredients. Some of these appear to have been the result of some strange crossbreeding experiment. These include but are not limited to the following:
Unicorns crossed with elephants;
Giant camels crossed with leopards (not the classic cameoleopard, these creatures are shy herbivores);
Giant cattle whose horns are flat and curved like sheep;
Deer who have, instead of antlers, twisted devil's horns;
Water Dragons whose bite and spittle are invariably lethal;
Birds who seem to have gems instead of feathers;
and most improbable,
People covered in fur who neither wear clothes, speak, nor light fires!

If you desire, we might be able to include some of these specimens in our next shipment of ceramics and sausages ....

Sincerely, etc.

5 comments:

A J Matthews said...

Hmm! What were these "herbal ingredients" and how much of it did he smoke..? ;)

Bluebear Jeff said...

AJ,

*smile* . . . a pertinent question, I think.


-- Jeff

Byrhthelm said...

Unicorns crossed with elephants - Rhinoceros?
Giant camels crossed leopards - Giraffe?
Giant cattle with curved, flat horns - Cape Buffalo?
Deer with twisted devils' horns - Antelope?
Water dragons - Crocodiles?
Birds with gems for feathers - Brightly coloured tropical birds?
People covered in fur - Great apes?

Just a thought. Perhaps the poor chap did abstain from 'herbal ingredients', and was just trying to describe, from a limited knowledge base, the strange creatures he had encountered?

abdul666 said...

Our agent in s Neue Sudland recently sent a stuffed specimen of what looks like a cross between an otter and a duck (with some beaver features). Furthermore such animals reportedly lay eggs yet suckle their offsprings! Thorough examination by the Presipapal Academy revealed no sign of fraud. Besides, authentified documents certify resistance to exorcism, insuring that this chimera of bird and mammal is not some blasphemous parody of Creation; yet a few Monte-Cristans wonder (idly) if such a beast could be kosher?
Louys

Frankfurter said...

For the duck crossed with a beaver ... one should ask the Levitcher Rabbinate ...
:)
A